Journal Entry December 8, 2014 and Where Patrick was at

Monday today we had speech therapy and I got up early and swam. His speech therapist said he was doing great. If Patrick cannot say what he wanted to say, he is describing it. Cheeseburger, what a plate was. A round, flat with edges. I never knew it was so hard and so bad until after he got out of rehab. I was never at the hospital early enough to see him do speech therapy.

It was hard to realize that he didn't know what things were visually, a simple thing like a giraffe.

Yes, we can do this. Every time I feel alone I remind myself that we are in this together. I am not alone unless I make myself lonely and believe me I have those moments.

I won't let that take up my whole day, that would be exhausting! When ever I feel down I cry, feel the emotion and then thank God for not taking him from me. How blessed we are. I know he will have a full recovery. I allow myself to get down scared, full of fear – where is that going to get me? I have to rise above and keep a positive attitude and have faith and believe and visualize and be grateful as if he has fully recovered.

I tell my kids to visualize daddy walking through the door as if nothing has changed and keep sending him love. I let fear in once in a while, we are human and it is OK to feel emotions but we also have to rise above with strength, find love and keep going. This is so hard but I love him so much!   

One of the ICU nurse said she would not have done what I did for Patrick, for her husband! What?  I would send love and still do everyday and send every cell in his body love and I surround him with the healing light of the divine, God and the angels. I am not alone, I ask for help and pray and remember to remember the love. Patrick loves me he always has and I know he wouldn't leave me. I just kept sending him love and still do. I am so grateful he is still here with us.

The next day we went to the heart doctor and also to see the nurses in the ICU. They were so surprised to see Patrick walking and talking they were just amazed it was a wonderful day.
His heart is doing great, the doctor showed us the whole surgery of putting the stent in. Wow, that was amazing. He didn't have much to say except that Patrick could  eat whatever he wanted and he would be fine for the next 10 years, Patrick was like, that it, that's all I get.

Where Patrick was at, at this point of his recovery

Patrick still had Occupational, Speech and Physical Therapy daily. He was relearning objects, re-learning everything. Even sayings, here are a few of our favorites.
"Rock them around" was meaning to stir something
"Whoopsy Woo" Remembers saying from child hood.
"Officers" what he called his therapist
"My Girls" His sisters
"Fine" When every you asked how he was or if he liked something
"So not Agreeable" Meaning Not acceptable
"Busted" If you yawned and got caught, it was time to take nap
"Rats" When he did something wrong he would say Rats and swing his arm, too funny.

Other things he would do.
He had a specific seat at the table, he never did before now. Patrick gets really upset and does to this day if someone else sit in his seat. He was able to write and spell but not read yet. He was starting to remember things like the day of the week, his birthday and where we live. He recognizes names and voices, but not faces or anything visually.
He was struggling with being a dad and the whole discipline thing. It was extremely hard. He called himself stupid and thought our kids were spoiled. I am not allowed to swear at all anymore, if you only knew how Patrick's mouth was before the heart attack.

Costco and the store were out of the question. Patrick would beg me to go to the store, we did a few times and now he would rather not go. Do you know how stimulating a store is, holy cow, now I get over stimulated. Still no TV or visitors.

He would look around the house, look in the garage at his motorcycles. He would check everything out, trying to figure it all out. It was like watching a baby learn new things. Today he still asks questions on what things are or how they work. We are so grateful that he can relearn things and retain it.

Thank you for letting me share our journey.

Kollette 

Next post, Christmas and New Years.

First Thanksgiving

 It was so nice to be home and out of the hospital. Thanksgiving was approaching and so was the visit from Patrick’s two older sisters. Patrick has 4 siblings, His oldest sister died in 2012 from a Massive Heart Attack at age 48. Then he has two other sisters, Kathleen and Pam, and his brother Duane.

Patrick’s parents do not fly and Duane was unable to come out due to work. It was hard going through all of this without his family being close.

His sisters arrived, it was so good to see them and Patrick was so happy. We were all happy to see each other. They came with gifts for the kids and love for their brother.

We were still on low stimulation lock down, no TV,  doing dishes or laundry or vacuuming. No anything that made noise.

When Patrick would go outside, he would ask me, “What is that noise?” I would ask him, what noise? That noise, you mean the dog barking.  Oh my goodness, the dog barking from across the neighborhood. I didn’t even notice it. He could hear everything and it was all new to him. It was very difficult to explain this to his sisters and have them be extra quiet.

The first 24 hours all they did was argue, as sisters do. I had to lay down the rules and I told them both to knock it off or I would take them back to the airport and they could go home. I had enough going on and didn’t need them fighting.

I felt bad, they didn’t know what to do to help and I had no idea which direction to go. I had been in the hospital with Patrick for two months, I have not been around my children, I didn’t know what to expect with Patrick. I didn't know what to expect from my children, but it all worked out just fine.

It was hard and I felt so bad for Patrick and how he must have felt. It was like having an adult infant around that could talk but not really communicate what he wanted at that point. Patrick didn’t know what things were, for example knife, fork, spoon, clouds, table, chair, bed, etc. Visually he didn’t know what things were and he is still learning today.  He remembers voices and that he loves us, our home is familiar and comfortable.

The good thing is that he is able to relearn everything and create new memories, and remember. He does not remember things visually to this day. But he remembers sounds and emotions. For example, he remembered that he loved us, he remembers the sounds of tools and how to use them, but visually he does not remember building our house or being a General Contractor or any of his clients, projects, getting married, having kids, but we are so grateful he remembers he loves us and our voices. He remembers music, he is amazing. As for his personality, it is there for sure. He tells me all the time he will be back. I tell him, you are right here. 

Patrick was able to write and spell, but he was not able to read at this time. We still had to work on his routine and bathroom items. I would have to watch him every minute the first few months he was home. He would get things confused like toothpaste and soap. He had such a great attitude and he has learned so much and he worked really hard. I can't even imagine, but he keeps fighting hard to get better. 

Thanksgiving Feast – Patrick’s first Thanksgiving

I was not going to do anything for Thanksgiving, but then realized that Patrick didn’t remember the holidays’ or Thanksgiving. This was his first one, so we went all out.

What a wonderful day. Kathy and I went to the store, fed the kids and Pam, mom and Patrick lunch and then we started cooking the Thanksgiving Feast. We had so much fun, Kathy and I cooked all day, everything turned out perfect. Patrick said it was the most wonderful meal he has ever had.

Saturday after Thanksgiving – Patrick seems to be remembering more today, he had a high school memory come back. He remembers emotions and he knows what irritates him. I am getting really good at reading him and knowing when he has had enough. He is like a child and pushes himself, until he is so tired and agitated. He needs his rest so his brain can heal. 

We had speech therapy the next day for Patrick and his therapist said that his speech was a lot better.

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

I asked Patrick a few days later if he wanted anything from the store that he had eaten. He didn't know what it was called. I asked him to describe it to me. He sad it was white and creamy. Whipped cream? He said yes, yum. We make it home made. 

Coming up a Journal Entry, Christmas, Birthday and New Year!

Kollette Chambers