Skiing, Driving, Biking, Easter and Frustrated!

I wrote a little in March, April and May 2016 and it took me a while to finish.

Can I just say I am frustrated! It has been a year and a half🙏 We pray everyday he will remember something, anything.

He still does not know what things are and when he doesn't know or can't remember because he reminds me everyday that he can't remember anything and he is frustrated, I am frustrated, the kids are frustrate!! I am tired and it is hard on both of us! It's hard on the kids. He really struggles sometimes, he is mean and snappy. He gets agitated easily, he loves to argue. He won't take his naps and he really needs them. This is a bad day and we have more good than bad, but still we all get frustrated.

I have been cleaning and organizing. Doing our taxes, making a plan. He does good if I give him a list but he still has so much to learn. He really wants to get building things and I don't know what to do. The doctor wants us to SLOW down, he thinks Patrick is doing great and he is really impressed so what is the rush! Physically he is great, but he can not work and you could only understand that if you were with him 24/7.

Up top with Kent

Kellan my 10 year old really wants to go through hunter safety and I had us both signed up, but with baseball it was too much. Actually I am scared shirtless! All the people I ask for help say Oh it's easy. Well I just decided it was not a good idea. I have  been too emotional lately.  I feel like I am transitioning from survival mode back to reality! (We are going to try in August, I wish I could find help, but everyone I ask says it is easy, when it is for them and they are too busy. Okay it is not easy when I am scared to death and I am responsible for me and my 10 year old. I wish someone could understand that and help me. Kent said he would help so I have put my trust in my 12 year old because he is the only one willing to help me who has time.)
Plus I am learning that Patrick's friends wives really don't like their husbands helping me and I wish they could see that they would be helping Patrick and his family. You have no idea. I am sorry guys! Thank for what you were able to do. I certainly do not want to cause any problems with anyone. Socially this has been a night mare, but it is okay we are not the same people anymore. We are figuring it out and just grateful to have each other and keep present and love each other every moment we can.

But for those of you in similar situations understand that the help is no longer available. In the first months, everyone was eager to help and I didn't know what I needed. Now I finally have the guts to ask for help and everyone is too busy, you can hear it in the breath or voice that they just don't have time. Even my own father. It makes me so sad, and I get so frustrated but I just have to keep my head up and stay positive and figure it out. I do have emotional support and help with the hay and horses and I am very blessed for Tracy, Amber, BettyJo, Kathy and Dave. I do wish my plumber would come back and finish installing my boiler, but he is busy too! Hopefully before winter comes again. We can not go another winter without the boiler.

Time to make a plan and figure it out, whatever that is. Patrick needs something to look forward too. I mean really what does he have to be depressed about! Other than he has no memory, but we are making new ones.  He has been skiing which he doesn't remember doing but he knows how to do it! Last year he was golfing with two birdies in one day! His body knows what to do. He is still slow. I feel like everything is in slow motion. He doesn't get out of your way, if that makes sense. He has been feeding the horses everyday which has been great! He helps me a ton around the house, which is awesome.

WOW! 9 months working in occupational therapy to drive again, finally passes by his therapist and doctor. So excited, then a month later we got a letter from the state that he has to take the written and driving test. He studied so hard and he passed with flying colors. He still has restrictions. But he can drive.

Loves the Easter Egg hunt

Here are some photos from last year, He was not skiing, driving or biking yet. What is Easter? And why are you coloring eggs?  He looks great, talks good, no one can understand why he can't work. Well he has a brain injury. I can't explain it, even when I try, no one understands. It is okay, you don't have too and maybe this blog will help, I even asked he doctor, he recommended to have people look up the word cognitive, then they might understand.

Patrick at the Hospital taking his psychology test to
see where he is at. This was an 8 hour day. Here is
Patrick napping at lunch. It was so hard on him. This was
March 2015 and we needed the test to hopefully get Social Security.

Patrick's first trip to the Zoo. He is still
learning the Zoo Animals today.

I took my mom and Patrick golfing they both got to drive the cart, they were happy. I let Patrick drive the cart for the first time, this was how he could drive. He wanted to drive so bad. This was before he passed any of his driving test.

Patrick with Karly

This year he goes golfing with a group of guys that take turns coming and picking him up every week since he can not drive alone. He loves it and they have a great time.

We took him golfing with the family for father's day last year and this year. We all had a great time.

We had a paint party for my mom's birthday and we all enjoyed painting.

Karly' Birthday was next and we went Bowling. Patrick had a great time. 

This year for her birthday we went to Nickle City, it was a good thing we had our own private room. I was overstimulated and couldn't wait to get out of there and for some reason I got no good photos from Nickle City.

Patrick having acupuncture done. I have not taken him for a while and I have been thinking about taking him back again.

Patrick having acupuncture

He also decided to ride his bike and now he goes for a bike ride almost every day! And today we went horse back riding. Life is good. It was also baseball season for the boys so they have been practicing and having that time together. Karly takes my mom for walks everyday and I know they both treasure this time together.

We are doing really good even with all the frustrations. Everyone is happy, healthy and joyful to be alive! We thank God everyday! At the end of the day, what matters most is family, through the pain you find the love and it heals the pain. We hold on tight to the love as we know how precious life is. Through all of this we find the strength to move on, the love to battle the fear and the faith and belief that everything will be alright! We learn what we are suppose to. Enjoy your day you never know when the unexpected could happen, so love your loved ones and remind them you need love too!

Here is a funny video and he wasn't doing too bad. This was early March of 2015.

We had a great winter/Spring of skiing, he passed his driver test with the state, we enjoyed another Easter with Egg Hunt, Karly and Nana's birthday, riding his bike, horseback riding, hiking and had a wonderful Spring Break - a Staycation. So many photos to share. I will get better at this blogging thing.

Here are some videos of him in therapy. This is about when his personality really started coming back and you will see in the videos, he does a few funny things so watch if you can.

We are still doing therapy today. These videos are from last year in the beginning of May 2015, he has come such a long way since then. He no longer has therapy with a therapist, but he has to keep doing therapy everyday to get better. It is extremely frustrating for him. I can't even imagine what goes through his mind daily or how hard it is for him to do things. It is a blessing he is great physically because we can all do things as a family together and we still have fun.

We are still spending time together. Patrick still loves to do all the things he used to. His muscle memory is still there. We have our struggles, challenges, but we have also learned that everyone does and we are all doing the best we can.

Thank you all for listening and following this blog. It helps me to write and I hope it helps you understand. If not at least you can keep up with what we are doing and Patrick's progress. Thank you for your support and prayers.

Kollette and Patrick